Friday, January 14, 2011

I love getting a new Outlook in life

So I know this is a bit unorthodox for this blog, but some times you just gotta get it out.  Besides, it's my blog and I can write what I want.

I have never been one to make New Year's resolutions.  They inevitably end up getting broken and I have never really been a fan of setting myself up for failure.  I have, however, been a fan of setting goals for yourself.  They don't need to start on January first, they can start when you realize you need a goal.  Today, I realized that.

I was texting some one who at one point in my life was very important to me.  I realized as I was talking to him that I changed a lot since we had been close.  The more we conversed, the more negativity I felt.  After a while I just stopped responding to him.  He eventually got the clue, and I being my people pleasing self, felt bad for ignoring him. 

Then I started thinking.  Why was I even talking to him in the first place?  We have nothing in common anymore.  I am not the same person that I was 4 years ago.  Heck, I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago.  I have been hanging on to a friendship (one of many) that was useless to me, it had the potential to do more harm than good.   I have come to far to let my past bring me down.  I am so thankful for strides I have made, and I realized that by not letting go of past relationships I am really just hurting myself.

So, that's when I decided that I am going to have a resolution this year.  That resolution is to let things go.  I tend to be over sentimental when it comes to a lot of things.  I mean I still have a pencil from my first day at Canton Elementary (my first day of 4th grade), that I held onto for "the memory of starting a new school".  I threw that pencil away today, along with a bunch of other stuff I was holding onto for memories sake.  It's easier to let go of physical belongings than friendships, but just like that stupid pencil was taking up space and doing nothing for me, the relationships from my past are doing nothing for me either.

I understand that some of the people that I need to "weed out" are not going to understand why.  They may feel hurt or rejected but the bottom line is: I have to stop putting my self last.  It's not my job in life to make everyone happy even though I try to.  So this goal has two objectives:  To let go of relationships from my past that are unhealthy for me, and to learn to put myself first once in a while.  I think I am can that happen by December 31st.

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